Father my Dear, Time to cut back on the Loco!

It wasn’t until the other night I realized, any real adult communication with my father is becoming a dam near impossible task to accomplish . Truth is, the sheer rage inducing frustration with my family situation has resulted in me finding any and everything I possibly  can to distract me or prevent me from interacting with my father, mother and sometimes sister. Dad has collecting crap and sorting as a copping mechanism for stress I have Zelda and random craft projects haha to each his own right? I’ve managed to ignore the reality of our situation for awhile but now our ability to retain a basic level of sanity for longer then an hour is drasticly been compromised ,I’ve decided to tune back into our dysfunctional life. Unfortunately, my father isn’t ready to join me (SHOCKER)The man has done gone lost his marbles completely (they’re probably under a pile of 10 year old recites or railroad DVDS)  The easiest way to describe the extent of my fathers lunacy is to simply write for you a little play I like to call

Don’t you grumble at me Lord of the Crap!
The play is a one act, reenactment of the conversation I had with my father the other night. Picture it…… My kitchen, father sitting at the computer, me making some nosh before bed………….I’m standing in front of the open fridge searching for my dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets ( biting their heads of makes me smile something fierce haha) while telling my father about the issues I was having with my cricut…the machine he bought me for x-mass……….he was obsessively scanning e-bay for crap to add to the collection and oh yeah, not listening one iota to anything I was saying………………….

Me- “hey dad where’s my dino nuggets?”

(no answer)

Me - “Yo pops McGee did someone eat my nugs?”

Dad - “Huh what…No they should be in there.”

(5 mins later I locate them on the bottom shelf, hiding thanks to being wedge atop 4 other items. To extract them from their chilled home required lifting the entire shelf above them off it’s brackets with one hand while quickly grabbing the package with the other. I then had to replace the shelf and then get off the floor. Father didn’t turn around once. I stand up grab my nuggets of yum and toss them on the counter. Next stop freezer. Mama needs her some sides for the dino treats.)

Me- “don’t worry dad, I found them. Sorry if the shelf falls though. Haha”

Dad- “uhhah”

( I roll my eyes then continue my quest for nourishment. The freezer is jammed packed with every frozen veggi, rice dish, tv dinner, and  ice cream you can imagine which is usually what I do, just imagine, because getting any of these items out would cause a frozen food avalanche I’m not willing  to jigsaw puzzle back into place.  Yes I play jenga when getting nummies from the fridge and freezer. What? You thought hoarding was just crap around the house? Ha HA! No my friend, It’s  EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...... moving on……….. Of course the item I select, due to it’s convenient  location directly in front, seemed like an easy enough grab but alas it somehow  caused an epic shift amongst the other items surrounding it.   The door now won’t close.)

Me- “aww man what the fudge von fripple frap is this shit about?”

( I’m now forced to figure out a solution to a problem that shouldn’t be an issue, yet again. My only thought now is “I just wanted some foodL” My mind is mush by this point after having worked all day and  paper crafted all night.(yes I’m a pathetic geek I know) The only action I can think of  is keep squishing the door closed, hoping it eventually latches shut.  Halfheartedly I begin to implement this plan of attack. Haha ingenious I thought but, my father did not agree. Instantly, his spidey senses flared up causing him to turn around and asses my predicament. I’m convinced that Dad is so in tuned with his stuff that the crap sends out a distress call only he can hear whenever it feels disturbed or threatened. Mr. fixit stirred from his chair and deemed the matter worthy of his attention….what a pal…I walk away from the freezer allowing Pops ample enough room to rectify the situation)

Me- “ I thought we had rice in there?”

Dad- “grumble huff”
(I hear the sound of 4 frozen dinners cascading to the floor)
“ oh come on”

Me- “ I just grabbed one thing, sorry”

Dad-  “ yeah, yeah” 

( He was giving me tude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He boobie traps the dam freezer and when it goes off, boom! He blames me for not getting the one item out properly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been down this road before though so I was ready with my defense, quicker then a humming bird, in the spring, looking for a flower……. What kind of metaphor is that? Of man I’m losing it, my B ya‘ll my B.. )

Me- ( in a calm somewhat sarcastic voice I reply) “ Whoa there cranky pants, I wasn’t the one who put them in there like that, tiger ol pal.”

Dad- yup yup I know Krissy I know it was me blah blah blah”

(He actually said the blah blah blah part, out loud, all snotty like and pissy face like! What?????…….I laughed and continued on with my meal preparation while he finished re-trapping the frozen wasteland)

Me- “Don’t get all crabass with me because I’m telling you the truth. hahaha It’s not that big of deal anyways”

Dad-  “Whatever you say yup yup uhhah”

(You know when I child throws a hissy fit and puts his hands over his ears and yells “ I not listening I not listening!”, well this is my fathers version. It usually consists of one syllable words repeated over and over again until I or anyone  else who decides to point out an example of his disorder, shuts up. I start laughing even harder and a bit louder too boot.)

Me- “ Dad it’s cool man, chillaxe, I’m not here to judge your frozen food stacking skills. It’s your house old dude. Put the snap peas where ever you’d like haha”

Dad- “Thanks smartass grumble grumble…”

(He returns to his chair and internet world of “what the fuck do I need more junk for!” eBay thus resuming his perfected ignoring  of my existence.)

Me-  “ Well father I was given this gift by you and mom so frankly, getting mad at me is really getting mad at yourself for making me and is that a nice thing to think about your sweet adorable daughter who loves you so much?” ( The genes I inherited also gave me some pretty long eyelashes that always make my pain in the ass, little girl comments of “Don‘t mess with me daddy dearest” complete teehee)

Dad- (Under his breath and barely audible he decided to grumble to himself, I can only make out a few words) “ mumble……daughter……..me………..whatever……..grumble”

( I dropped the subject after that and ventured on to some healthy conversation.)

Me- “Did you give Kath money?”

Dad- “yeah”

Me- “She flipped when she saw the skull thing I made with the cricut.”

Dad- (in dazed state of crap euphoria he has now reverted to what I like to call the bobble head position. This is where he nods, ever so slightly yes and mumbles words of agreement to whatever you say to him…….) “yup sure did”

(This continues until my dino nuggets are done heating in the microwave. I finish my random questioning session with a real test for his attention.)

Me- “ yum I heart these little buggers. Which reminds me I think it’s about time I get knocked up and start a family. I’m going to cruise the bars this weekend. Fingers crossed prince good for sperm could be out there just waiting.”

Dad- “ uhhuh, yeah that’s……. (pause)……..(a brief moment of confusion is seen but then gone as fast as it came)  yeah those chicken nuggets are good.”

(Curtain falls, THE END)

Hahahahahhahahahah ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how I love my Father but the man is testing my ever loving patience. If anyone’s got an idea on how to break through is OCD bubble that doesn’t involve physical violence or a megaphone please feel free to share.

Single on Valentines Day (not so bad)

 

Valentines Day

Wow just when you thought it was safe to be content with your singleness BAM! Valentines Day explodes all over the place surrounding you in a nauseating pink red and white colored world of hearts, cards, teddy bears and roses. Everything you see and hear is constant reminder that you are all alone. Surprisingly, I neither resent nor embrace the Valentines spirit this year. I'm pretty much neutral in the emotional department lately. For the sake of saving some time energy and blog space I'll just cut to the chase. A month ago I had someone special in my life but he felt I wasn't special enough to hang onto sooooooo he Dumped Me. Personally, I think his true motives behind the breakup was just a clever plot to avoid having to buy me a ten pound box of chocolates, but my sisters says he isn't capable of planning that far ahead. haha You may be asking yourselves "Is she sitting at her computer  boo hooing over her recent loss of companionship?"..... Hell's Mofoing NO!!! Shit happens, you move on, get over it and figure out a better way to fend off the next fool with a penis and a short attention span who  tries to, as i like to say "get all up on your awesome."

I'll give him credit though, He hung around longer then I thought he would haha I'd be lying if i said i wasn't hurt a little, (Who wouldn't be?) but I'm not devastated, or crushed, or heartbroken. I'm simply disappointed that a really good guy acted like a huge prick and was unable see my true worth, not as a girlfriend but as a sweet ass friend. He convinced himself he desired a  relationship with me,( red flag #1) once he got what he thought he wanted he freaked out ( red flag #2) Then realized he fucked up and basically ran far far away as fast as he could. Now here is the best part, Instead just fessing up to his huge mistake, he blamed it on his inability to feel real love and his concern for me because he could see I was getting too attached!
Wow after i was able to properly process everything he had to say the only response i could come up with in my head was  " I Call BULL SHIT!"  HaHaHa I still think this but refuse to even waste any more time or energy on even thinking about why. Like i said before shit happens, you move on. My life is chock full of crap already i really didn't need to add to it but oh well i took a gamble. I wish i knew what the hell i was betting on before i put my chips down. haha Ohhhhhhh Crazy Cakes ( that's what i dubbed him in my mind lol cute right?) what a great grand epic Friendship we could of had. One day he'll figure it out, unfortunately I'll never get to see his ahha moment of duh. One can only hope that me losing respect for him will somehow karmicly  hit him in the subconscious causing him to think before he does the same thing to someone else. I'm sending those vibes out now.................don't be a prick....................don't think with your penis................ ............ ...........................When you start something finish it...................................Don't assume you know everything about a person..................................................learn how to see the difference between being attached and just enjoying someones company........................................................................call someone when they ask you tooooo !   hahahaha.............................My point has been made :)

I must go prepare for my night of friends and folly. My Valentines Day shall be spent with a group of people who truly do love and respect me. They are my security blanket when life gets me down. They are my shoulder to cry on when i can't hold the tears in anymore. They are my punching bag when my anger is threatening to overwhelm me and they are everything i need in this world. I love them all and don't have to get naked with them to show it hahaha Happy Valentines Day :) Hope you spend it with someone you really love or care about and don't forget the chocolate! It is a Must :)

WHO IS YOU?


Good question to ask yourself once and awhile. It also happens to be the only thing my overtaxed mind can come up after a good hour or so sitting here contemplating what I want to write about. I asked myself what is inspiring  me to sit here in my love worn sweatpants, grama knitted socks, monkey slippers and ratty tatty hoody and put my thoughts into words for anyone to read? Answer......................... a full pot of coffee, a good dose of boredom and a nagging issue i have yet to fully resolve in my head....................... I need a cathartic cleansing of the soul i think or a decluttering of my psyche (fancy way to say yo i needs to bitch something fierce)

Many may not know this but 3 years ago i was involved in a toxic relationship with a man who literally broke my heart, my spirit, my car and parts of my body. When it finally ended i realized how much of me i had lost thanks to him and became overwhelmed with the depression he left behind. Every bit of confidence and self respect i had prior to meeting him was ruthlessly stolen from me and replaced with doubt, insecurity and self loathing. I really felt like a mere shell of a person, unsure if i would every find the Krissy spark again. Thanks to my sister (yes Kathryn you do know whats best for me, but that doesn't mean i have to like it hahah) and a few good friends i slowly found me again, and not just me but an older wiser more kick ass version of me. Bonus! I found my real voice and have yet to shut the hell up since haha unfortunately it's finding people to listen that becomes a problem. 


My journey of self discovery led me to a full understanding of what makes me Krissy. My personality which is made up of 5 very unique people as you can see in the lovely pie chart i made a few minuets ago hahahha

I don't have split personality disorder i assure you, I just put named the various voices that chatter around in my mind on a daily basis hahaha Ok so i may be a little crazy, who cares............

Shmuckle Head Sally is my girly blushing giddy side. She likes shopping for clothes, doing her hair, and talking about boys and mushy stuff. As you can see she rarely comes out and usually isn't allowed to speak unless it's a special occasion or a full moon. 

Little Timmy is my inner child. He is the male version of the ADHD mind set i had as a youth. He's responsible for my pretty shiny fun attitude towards the world and all the fun little things that make me giggle.. i.e. pudding cups, blow pens, my squeeze box, my tap shoes, stickers, crazy socks, video games and buttons ( i like to push buttons any type, in fact, i think that's why i bought the car i have now. It has over 30 different buttons to play with, pathetic i know but hey gets me through the day). Little Timmy brings out the kid in everyone i meet which is awesome cause he gets lonely in his ADHD fog haha

Cynical Sam is the realest in my mind. He see's the world and those in it for who and what they are and isn't afraid to say it. Pessimist to the core but wise beyond his years. Some may say it's a bad thing to be so negative, I on the other hand feel it's a necessary survival skill now a days. Sammy boy keeps me grounded and rational even when i don't want to be, which can be frustrating but highly useful in the end.

Ahhhh Nana Goldstein my crazy little Jewish grand ma from Long Island hahaha I guess she represents my nurturing side or whatever. She's the one who controls my heart. She always wants to help others and be there for everyone she cares about. Why she's a little old lady is beyond me, i just know that's the voice i have when I'm changeling her. You know like if a friend comes to me and tells me about a problem my response is " oh come here my little boobalah, we'll figure it out, hug hug you're better then this. Now put a sweater on before you catch a cold  ." hahaha She also has the best advice in the world and can cook :)

Sassy Pants Mcgee is the loud crazy fun loving up for anything person i usually let the world see. He's my humor and my silliness with a dash of creativity all rolled up into one blond package. He's also become more of an enemy then an Allie recently. I blame him for what i like to call the Bright and Shiny disease people catch when they first meet me. Because of my outgoing nature people are drawn to me and desire my friendship then after awhile somehow the effects wear off and they forget about me. I'm convinced it's my pheromones but haven't found  the scientific evidence to back up my theory .............. yet!................... Any who yeah so Sassy  McGee is the part of me most people want to know and be around because they can't understand or simply don't want to understand the other partners in crime he hangs out with in my mixed up mind of awesome hahaha

 Well there you have it folks a complete detailed map of my personality. Don't know what this verbal spewage accomplished other then killing some time but hey at least i actually wrote something down. I feel accomplished and content :) and i'm out of coffee.................time to walk away from my computer and rejoin the real world..........tootles

When good gifts can go Wrong

I recently discovered that I have a talent for making super fun decorations and window displays out of paper :)

Because of the amount of time and energy I spent cutting everything out by hand my loving family decided that this year for x-mass they would buy me a brand spanking new Cricut :)

 

This thing is like the Mr.t of paper crafting and even though i've yet to figure out what everything does I absolutely love the darn thing but.......................There's one problem with the practicality of this sweet machine.................................

This, thanks to the hoarders that be, is the amount of space i have alotted for me to actually work on my crafts. FYI that would be the floor of my living room aka my bedroom :(

This is my couch/bed / nook of love/ hobbit hole.... any wonder i'm single??? i think not ! moving on..................................................................................................................

well as you can see my new gadget is literaly 2/3 the size of the space i need to use it in. Now as for my craft supplies, seeing as I have no closet or cubby holes or anything that might act as an easily accesable form of storage I am reduced to keeping all my paper and doo dads like this..............

Go ahead find the paper amungst the jumbled mess of what?? I dare you haha :)  well in hopes of maybe using the kitchen table as my crafting refuge I ventured out to the kitchen, Cricut in hand only to be met with this sight of ughhhhhhh.......................................

A bit disappointed and a whole hell of alot pissed I walked back into my den of solitude, placed my cutting buddy back on the floor and gave up crafting for today :( But worry not my friends I amused myself with one of my favorite past times  ..............................

Oh yes that is a child sized squeeze box and oh yes I do play it (not well ) and frankly it's ridiculousness puts a smile on my face and a giggle in my heart hahaha Like i said everyday in my house is a battle or struggle just to live normally to some extent so how do you cope? You learn to appreciate the small things and develop a very very very good sense of humor :)

Time to Get Real

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HOARDERS WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first entry shall be about the one thing that has engulfed and taken over my life for the past 20 years, Hording! I'm not a hoarder , thank what ever being may be up there looking down upon us in some way maybe influencing our small little lives, but my father and mother are. I grew up in a home consumed by clutter, chaos and stupid stuff. After 20 years of collecting the crap has finally taken over and is beginning to fight back! I'm writing about this because there isn't a person in my world who can actually understand or relate to the overwhelming soul crushing impact this disorder has caused for not only myself but also my sister, nor do they understand the daily battle we must endure just to stay alive. It is for this reason I've decided to speak my mind no matter how jumbled and at times random my thoughts may be.

I've let some people in to my world of crap but have yet to really explain what it is i'm facing thanks to my parents dissorder. In two months my dad could be thrown in jail and my house could be ceased by the town which would leave me and my family homeless and well frankly dead! I QUIT! I've tried to see a bright side but when your only means of support is an ailing sister and the two people who caused the problem in the first place, bright sides tend to dissapear into the ether only to be seen by people who don't have to move 5 boxes of miscelanious tools and bottle caps just to get to the cabbinet for a bottle of ranch dressing. (Ranch dressing, swiss cheese, Bacon and vitamin waters are like crack to me)

Recently steps have been taken to improve our situation but after years of being surrounded by this dysfuction i find myself broken and seriously damaged emotionally and physically. ( piles of crap falling on you tends to hurt haha) I now need to find a way to make peace with my resentment of a lost childhood of stability and normalcy and find a way to move on to the next stage of MY LIFE, not my family's. I'm going to use this blog as a means to face and disscus every issue my family and i run into along the tedious and tramaltious journey we've been taking all in the hopes of reaching our final destionation HEALEDVILLE USA.

I just wish i had a GPS to tell me how to get there lol